In just over four months the Olympics will be upon us, bringing with it an influx of baffled tourists, travel chaos and mass confusion about just what qualifies dressage as a sport. But there is more to gain from the Olympics than a deflated sense of self-esteem when you realise that taking the stairs instead of the lift really doesn’t constitute as getting fit. Quite simply, you can make money.
The internet is already crowded with people advertising ways to fill your pockets at this year’s games, but the problem with most of these ideas is that they flaunt a little thing called the law. For most of the things you despicable Del Boys can come up with the Olympic Delivery Authority (ODA) have already found a way to ban. All is not lost though, as we’re here to offer advice on the practical and perfectly legal ways (as far as we know) to make money at London 2012.
#4. Offer up your toilet
Think of an effort-free, zero-investment successful business that doesn’t even require creating a demand, because one already exists and will exist until time itself ends.
Now, think about the thousands and thousands of visitors to the Olympics, hot summer days (yes we will have summer in Britain, even if it will only last for a week), gallons of water and beer, and the endless queues to places in which such excess liquid can be relieved.
Yes, dear newly baked business person: Toilets.
If you live in a flat, house or a hut in London, chances are you have access to a toilet. Remember: public toilets in London are crap, and they are scarce. Remember 2: no matter how hard Olympics organisers try, there almost certainly will be problems with portable toilets. So, how can you help? You take those poor souls to your place, let them use your loo, provide them with toilet paper, and… you charge them.
Sounds immoral? It isn’t. After all, water in Britain is privatised so somebody has to pay for it. A tiny 50p or £1 charge (or, capitalising on your extremely good, Olympic-location, even £1.99?!) and your piggy is already much happier.
If you worry about the legality of such an affair, don’t. According to the The Olympic Delivery Authority’s Detailed Provisions of the Advertising and Trading Regulations, charging strangers for using your toilet is not a crime. To be exact, “Providing a public sanitary convenience” is regarded as an exemption in the otherwise very tight Olympic trading regulations (see below for further details).
While your one-off customers are doing what they came to your house to do, you can provide additional value to your service/their purchase with some much valued trivia:
“Hey, did you know Britain first got public toilets in 1850s?”
“I strongly advise you familiarise yourself with the London Toilet Map. Really useful, mate.”
“If you see one of those Open London stickers, dare to go inside: that business has made some sort of a deal with Boris the Great, and you can use their toilet without charge.”
“Oh, talking about loos… Community Toilet Scheme is run by councils which pay private businesses to allow members of the public in dire physical need of a flushable sink to use their toilets without the obligation to buy anything. Cool, huh.”
And with that, your Olympic customer goes away, having made at least three creatures happy: themselves, you, and your piggy.
#3. Sell things to tourists
Now we’d like to turn your mind to the hordes of people flocking to the venues, all staring eagerly at the scarves, badges, fridge-magnets and other pointless paraphernalia littering the sidewalk stands, the jangle of their spare change singing a beautiful symphony of whimsical wealth and altruistic abundance. And then there’s you, being hailed as the lord of money-making-merchandise. Have your pupils turned to dollar bills yet?
Because what better way is there to make money than by selling ridiculously overpriced goods to poor unsuspecting tourists? Great. Let’s get started.
Well, first off there are a few things that you probably should be aware of.
Whereas providing a potty to the public may be allowed, the ODA haven’t been quite so generous when it comes to trading in and around the games. The regulations outlined in the aforementioned “Detailed Provisions…” make it a little more difficult for you to make that much hungered for profit. Firstly, in order to trade in open public places around the venues, vendors will need to gain authorisation, but before you start worrying about the competition (because despite your gobsmackingly quick mind and sheer innovative intelligence, you are definitely not the first to think of this idea), you’d better take a seat. Unfortunately for you, the deadline for applications has now passed. Darn.
But never fear, for us smartypants at Kenwood Travel have fashioned some remarkable ways of getting around this!
Just to ease your workload we have spent an entire (extraordinarily productive) afternoon trawling through the Detailed Provisions of the Advertising and Trading Regulations published by the ODA. Amongst the sixty-odd pages of drivel (its really boring. I’d probably stick to Twilight if I were you) we found a couple of gems that, if you are really lucky, might actually work in your favour.
Where on earth can I sell my stuff, if not around the venues?… I hear you cry
Admittedly your options are limited. BUT…the regulations do not apply within a permanent building. So, if you live within one of the Olympic zones (anywhere within one mile of an Olympic venue, or in Wimbledon, Earl’s Court and St John’s Wood) you are in luck! Sell some home-knitted sweaters from your front room, palm off postcards from your pantry, or belt out a Beyoncé tribute in your bathroom (by the way providing public entertainment, however dubious in quality, is still counted as a trade) and you could be rolling in it! Just make sure you don’t advertise it on the street. That means no posters, no shouting down from your balcony, and no enticing customers in through your front door. We suggest that you write your very own jingle, buy a megaphone, and open your bedroom window really wide. If questioned by the authorities say that you are a struggling musician who has just come back from ‘finding yourself’ in Thailand, and you operate an open-door policy.
So what about if I don’t have access to a permanent building within the zones?
Well there is a little sentence that says: “Selling or delivering an article to someone in premises adjoining the highway, for example, a rounds person selling milk to households within the Event Zone” is allowed. Great stuff! All you have to do is hold the residents hostage until they are on the verge of starvation, then sell ’em a sandwich or two. Easy money.
But, what should I sell?
Good question. One that we pondered ourselves for a good half hour over coffee, before realising that no amount of caffeine and procrastination will actually write an article. Basically, you’ve gotta be pretty smart on this one, as it isn’t only the ODA that you have to answer to. For more specifics about selling alcohol, see point no. 3.
You could look into selling Olympics’ merchandise, but of course the products will have to be official, which may be pricey for you. Perhaps you could fill your garage with badges, wait a couple of years, and then sell them for twice the price on Ebay. Actually quite a good idea, if it isn’t instant cash you’re after.
However, if this involves too much hanging around for you, you could resort to making your own. But be careful, as the official Olympics images are all very heavily copyrighted, and if you use one yourself you could face legal action. You must not create any logo that can be “confusingly similar to the Olympic Marks”, reproduce the colour combinations of the rings, use the Olympic or Paralympic mottos, or include a variety of Greek derivatives of the word “Olympic”. The regulations do, however, make for some very fun Countdown type word puzzles: bearing in mind all of the above, try to create a money-grabbing slogan where you don’t, and I quote; “use two of the words in List A with one or more of the words in List B.”
List A: games, 2012, Two Thousand and Twelve, Twenty-Twelve
List B: gold, silver, bronze, medals, sponsors, London, Summer
We came up with:
“The twelve years post-millennia Greek-style sporting event in the capital of Great Britain!”
Team this with our example of a non-Olympic Mark logo above and you’re onto a winner.
So, as you can see, trading at the Olympics is not as easy as it may seem. But if our suggestions seem a little too off-the-wall for your liking then don’t worry, because you are still in luck! The Detailed Provisions state that “in all cases the day begins at 00.01 and runs to 23.59.”
You therefore have a full 60 seconds within which you can flout all the rules.
Stay tuned – not literally, you probably have a job to go to – for part two on Wednesday March 7, oh and why not tell us plans on how to make money at London 2012 in the comments below? We might put our favourites in to the second part.
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